Thank you for loving me in ways I felt undeserving and undesirable. While it’s true you did bring goods things into my life we were never meant to be together.
I hope you find yourself before you do irreversible harm to yourself. I wish better days for you.
I’m ready to let you go.
Things I learned with my old therapist, the type of therapy I’ve been seeking can’t yet work until I’ve seen a sec therapist and work shit out. Making that connection was astounding and I was even more perplexed when I learned they recommended it to help me love myself and deal with my trauma from sex and how I use aex as a coping mechanism.
I was able to have someone outside my family touch my back for the first time in years and didn’t feel like there were ants under my skin. Km learning so much about myself. I’m really coming to terms with a lot and it’s hard and I still have bad days but it’s somehow easier.
Still gotta work on actually feeling deserving of love, and kindness, and beauty…. It’s a lone journey and the emotional turmoil I have to scrape thru is exhausting and does leave me wishing for death at times. Pain and especially emotional pain to which you can not accurately communicate to another person is such a heavy heavy burden.
Therapy is a journey; good and bad and accepting what you can and working on things you can. Life is wonderful is so many ways and is the most painful thing we will ever endure.
Missing the company of the person who made you feel content with life, knowing you’ll never have that connection with them again is heartbreaking.
Just need to get this out, it’s just so exhausting.
2022
You’re probably reading this ans I hope you do, I want you to know it’s hard getting over you. I however will move on and you’ll just a line in this song.
You’re a piece of shit and I can’t stand you; every time you said you loved me was a lie
O'er ladies’ lips, who straight on kisses dream
I caught you cheating
You had the nerve to say you’re sleeping
Just not with her, but tell your friends
That I’ll be lost without you
And I’ll admit it
Sometimes I miss when we were in it
So I made a list so I never forget
All the things I hate about you
Ten, you’re selfish, nine, you’re jaded
Eight, the dumbest guy I dated
Seven, talk a big game ‘til you’re naked
Only six seconds, and I had to fake it
Five, you’re toxic, four, can’t trust you
Three, you still got mommy issues
Two years of your bullshit I can’t undo
One, I hate the fact that you made me love you
Your friends must suck if they think you’re cool
A sloppy drunk obsessed with his Juul
Keep buying bottles with your daddy’s money
And I don’t know how I fell for your shit
You gross me out, now I’ve got the ick
And I’ve got a list of why you don’t get to fuck me
Ten, you’re selfish, nine, you’re jaded
Eight, the dumbest guy I dated
Seven, talk a big game 'til you’re naked
Only six seconds and I had to fake it
Five, you’re toxic, four, can’t trust you
Three, you still got mommy issues
Two years of your bullshit I can’t undo
One, I hate the fact that you made me love you
You made me love you
You made me love you
Ooh, ah
How’d you make me love you?
And I’ll admit it
Sometimes I miss when we were in it
So I made a list, yeah
Ten things I hate about you
Ten, you’re selfish, nine, you’re jaded
Eight, the dumbest guy I dated
Seven talk a big game 'til you’re naked
Only six seconds and I had to fake it
Five, you’re toxic, four, can’t trust you
Three, you still got mommy issues
Two years of your bullshit I can’t undo
One, I hate the fact that you made me love you
It’s sick how much I desire your acceptance and love. Your lack of integrity to be truthful and forth coming will form new scars in my very being.
You became the things you promised you wouldn’t.
Welcome the monster.
